Someone said to one of my membership group leaders – “Lauren is just a natural. For us … not so much”.
And I got really fired up about this because it’s not true that I have more of a natural ability or talent than anyone in my group.
The attribution of success to natural ability or just talent is an excuse to not achieve, to not have success, and to not try in case of failure.
In this episode I want to blow this whole concept of “it just comes naturally” out of the water!
Thanks for tuning into this week’s episode of the Marketing Chaos Podcast! If this podcast has contributed to you in some way, it will likely help others, too. The way we can reach more people is by you heading over to iTunes, subscribing to the show, and leaving us an honest review. Your reviews and feedback will help us to continue delivering amazing content tailored for exactly what you need.
You’re listening to marketing chaos, episode number 97.
So someone said to one of my group leaders in my membership the other day that, you know, Lauren just has it natural ability, the rest of us, not so much. And I, I got really fired up about this one. I think it’s funny, but it’s also, it kind of makes me wanna have a little rant, which this podcast episode might be a bit of a rant because it’s literally not true that I have more of a natural ability or talent than anyone in my group. Now, maybe certain things okay. Maybe, but the attribution of success to natural ability or just talent is such a way to give yourself an excuse, not to achieve, not to have success. And I just wanna blow this whole concept out of the water. In fact, um, synchronistically, I am reading this book right now called high performance habits by Brennan Bouchard.
And it’s a really great book. It’s it’s I highly recommend it. I’m not through it all, but I’ve always the changed so much in my life. Just like instantaneously upon reading it. And one of the things I love about this book is that he talks about high performance habits. So he’s studied like thousands of high, high achievers, high performers, and scientifically studied like what they’re doing and all the characteristics of them in order to determine what they have in common. And does it really have to do with anything that people typically attribute success to? So it’s, uh,
The subtitle is how extraordinary people become that way and his whole premise. And you can find this on the website. So I’m not giving any secret information away. You should get the book, but it’s like, it’s not talent. Good looks luck, upbringing, gender age, natural ability, like all these factors, like she was just born with it. No, it comes down to habits. And the good news is that every single person, all of you listening are capable of choosing different habits. Like it’s something that you actually can choose to cultivate to change. So whether or not you consider that you are a high performer right now, you can actually become one by using it. So I love that. That’s the premise of this book. And I just wanted to bring up this lie that some of us are, it’s just natural. Oh, it’s just natural. No, it’s not.
I probably just work harder than you. I’m probably willing to fail more than you do. I’m not willing to take no for an answer. I’m not willing to give up. So I wanted to identify some of the things that I would say have allowed me to have the success that I’ve had so far and that I’ve created in my life. And two of the things are actually high performance habits that Brennan, um, identifies in this book. And you can find out all of the, of the habits on his website, but basically no one of them is necessity. So necessity is he talks about, uh, raising necessity. So if you don’t have necessity built in already that you sort of create it, basically you raise it. So, but I had the privilege of having two, uh, little tiny balls of necessity be born at the same time, six and a a half years ago.
So when we found out that we were having twins and we had not planned on having any children, uh, at that moment, and definitely not two at one time, it created that in my world that demand to step up and what he’s calling necessity. I didn’t have an option. It wasn’t like, well, if my business doesn’t work out, I’ll just go do something else. No, there was not an out, like I was willing to do whatever it took. And so I made it a necessity that I succeed that just bottom line, like it was gonna work or it was gonna work. And that was it. So that I think, well, would say number one, number one, there was just no room for it to fail and things did fail or not go as I desired or whatever. But for the most part, I just willed them into existence.
Like, Nope, this is going to work. I didn’t know how, and that’s one of my follow up tips that he doesn’t talk about as much. Um, I did know that I didn’t know that it would work somehow because I was determined that it would and I was gonna create it. And that’s just, it, that was it in a story. So he calls that necessity. So if you do have that energy of necessity, this must work, I will, will achieve. That really helps. Number two, he talks about seeking clarity. Um, these are the two that I would say just no brainer like I’ve always had and, um, have created from these two habits. So seeking clarity is one of the ones he, he says is a high performance habits. So, and it’s clarity within yourself. I think as much as it is clarity outside of you.
And one of the things I’ve just always had, like this natural curiosity or this natural, like how do things work or why do they work that way? Or what makes them work that way? Like when I first was in college learning psychology, it was like so fascinating to me how the brain works. And then I learned Chinese medicine and became an acupuncturist and was like equally as fascinating mind, body, spirit, meridians, energy flows, like all of that was like, wow, this is so cool. And now it’s, you know, online marketing strategies. Like, it sounds like all different things, but to me, it’s all, it’s the same energy of seeking clarity, but that’s all external stuff. What I would say is even more important is the clarity that I would seek inside. Just understanding myself, understanding what I want to getting clear on what I wanted or didn’t desire or wanted to create where I wanted to live, what kind of work I wanted to do.
And mainly creating that clarity by doing lots of things and discovering what I don’t like. Any of you resemble that remark. It’s like, oh yeah. Ah, now know what I don’t want because I tried that job. I tried that partner. I tried that place to live and I don’t like that. I don’t want that. So you can sometimes do a really good job discovering what it is you want by figuring out what you don’t want. So that’s two of his high performance habits that I would say I definitely live by and I’m working on cultivating all of them and, uh, check them out high performance habits. But, um, what I wanted to also talk about is some things that he doesn’t necessarily cover directly that I do think has contributed to me succeeding and me having an amazing, amazing life that I am super grateful for living in the sunshine coast, beautiful paradise Australia, where there’s like dolphins and koala bears and rainbows and, um, beautiful weather.
And, uh, and it’s just, it’s gorgeous nature. People are, are, uh, very kind. It feels very safe here. I love where we live. My kids are just growing up to be so creative and smart and bright and kind, um, most of the time, not to each other all the time, but anyway, I guess that’s part of it. Huh? They’re six. They’re very competitive, but that’s another story, an amazing partner dad, uh, for them and, uh, partner for me. And two very cute dogs who I’m just watching run around in the yard right now. Uh, and a, and a brilliant, amazing crew that I get to work with every day in my business. And, um, all of that to be said, um, what I’m, when I say success, that’s, that’s all of that. And just being happy and grateful. So one of the things is a willingness to fail.
So when I work with people and they aren’t succeeding, one of the things I notice is that they’re not as willing to fail as they could be. Like, if you’re just willing for something, not to work out, you don’t hold back. You don’t try and make it perfect. You don’t him and hall. And should I do this? Let me get it right. Like make, let me make sure I don’t make any mistakes. Like if you’re willing for it to, to fail the chances of you succeeding, go through the roof, it’s just a no brainer. You may fail. It may fail. I’ve had failed launches. I’ve had failed businesses. I’ve spent tons of time and money on stuff that has not worked. And sometimes it didn’t work over period of years. I didn’t figure out I’ve had a failed marriage. I’ve had a failed business, lots of failures, but you know what?
It didn’t stop me the next time I was just willing to go again. And I think loving creation is another thing that if I was to say something that I was born with that is natural, it is just really loving to create. I’m a creator at heart. That’s not something that I was taught or that I’m aware of that I was taught. I’m pretty sure I came in that way. Just like, oh yeah, it’s on baby. I love creating and not holding onto anything that I’ve created. Like there’s things that I created in the past I completely for forgot about. And then something will pop up, you know, those Facebook memories and you’re like, oh yeah, completely forgot. Or you find like a folder on your hard driver in the cloud. And it’s like, I completely forgot. I created that, you know, or, you know, even just, yeah.
So, um, not holding onto anything it’s like, it doesn’t have to, to show up the way that you think that it’s going to, if you love creating, you just create because you can, you just create because it’s creation, you don’t create so that it will pay off or any other reason you just create cuz you create so loving creation, not being attached to anything that I’ve created, like being willing for or to fail. And just a high level for me of trust and knowing, and whenever I’ve lost that or faltered in that that’s things have been very hard. So I think finding a level of trust or creating a level of trust in yourself, um, in the universe, in what you’re creating in, in higher power, but trust like and trust in your knowing. I believe that that can be cultivated. A level of awareness.
I’ve been working with access consciousness tools for like a decade now, at least. And it’s really taught me to become more aware and how to become more aware. And you’re not, uh, it’s not something that you necessarily just are born like a hundred percent totally aware consci fully like I’m totally enlightened, fully conscious, but that you can actually choose to create more awareness and choose to be aware of where you’re not aware. So having that, um, increasing ever increasing every day, uh, willingness to know more and to trust more and, and be determined to know and trust more, every single day has really contributed and actually choosing before knowing how it was gonna show up many times throughout my life, I have just known something was going to be, and I just followed. I, I just followed the energy of that. And it did without any logical reason how or why or any really any justification on that it should, but just trusting that it would because it’s like, that just is what it is.
And I can give many examples is like, I just, I knew and you do too. I’m not special. I don’t have this natural ability that you don’t have, but there are things that you can choose or not based on what you wanna create. And if you do have that inner gut knowing sense that, that tingle, that lightness, you have a choice whether to follow that or not, you have a choice to doubt that or not. You have always have choice and no one can take that away from you. It’s your choice also to really believe in yourself and, and, and also to ask for help to ask for support. All of those are choices you have. I, I think that when I found out that we were having twins and I, I had that level of necessity in my world, it also almost forced me, although it was a choice to, to receive more contribution, to let more people in, to let the universe contribute, to let anyone in everything that could contribute to us.
And for me, it was like, it wasn’t about me anymore. It was like, okay, there are these two little creatures that, that need all the support that we can give them. And they were born, um, at 33 weeks. So they were very, very tiny. And, uh, in, in the special care, you know, unit with the, in a, you know, ventilator box, like tubes, the whole thing, very scary. And it just was like, I had to receive for sake of them. And I, I, it opened up things to me that I never knew were possible, like the level of, uh, kindness and caring and contribution of people that are around me and, and them, people that don’t know us that just reached out that contributed that sent gifts, money, um, cooking, you know, uh, friends came to the hospital, helped us, you know, change the babies feed.
The babies friends came over. So I could have a nap, like all the contribution that showed up. And that was also a choice to receive more. So this rant actually didn’t get very ranty, I guess I just got grateful halfway through. Oh, well. So, but back to the point, it’s not, not something that comes natural. Um, a lot of what I’ve done in my business has not come natural. It’s come really uncomfortably, getting on camera, getting on a podcast and talking, um, getting like for many years I was behind the scenes. No one even know I was behind the scenes, but having to show up and figure stuff out on the fly, like when technical things went glitchy or broke or making sure that whole systems like were working for some of our speakers and things like that, like big events, I mean, you name it.
I’ve, I’ve had a lot of chances to get, uh, out of my comfort zone, shall we say step up and just be fearless and ha and kind of like really be that, be that energy of necessity of this is going to work, you know, come hell or high water. Um, but none of that is natural. I don’t think, I think it’s a choice that we have. And, uh, if you’re looking at someone else and they seem to have something that you don’t have, and you wanna call it a natural ability or a talent, have a look, if that’s just an excuse that you’re creating so that you don’t have to create or step up in your own world, of course, there’s people I can look at that have done things I haven’t done that have gone bigger and better places maybe, uh, based on whatever their choices are.
And I could look at that and say, they have something I don’t have, or they were just born with it, or it was luck or they’re just natural and I’m not. Um, but I could also really look at if that’s true or for myself, is there something that I haven’t been willing to choose yet? And the answer’s pretty much always, yes. There’s always greater that you can choose. Sometimes it, it just, isn’t what you think it’s going to be. So being willing to follow the energy and make those choices, that aren’t easy all the time, that sometimes feel really, really uncomfortable. Like letting someone else contribute to you, whatever it takes. What if you trusted you and you knew that you were going to go where you’re going to go, whether anyone came or not. And that my friends is being a true leader in your own. All, I hope this was a contribution. I hope someone needed to hear this out there right now. If you, if it was you, I’m glad you were listening and thank you so much. I’ll see you next time. Bye for now.